Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
