WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize