You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
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My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
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I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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