Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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