Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
