I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
