I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
