Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
