thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
