It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
