Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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