Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
