I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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