I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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