Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
