He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
