In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
