We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
