i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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