I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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