I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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