I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
