need another drink. this is the easiest way
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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