so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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