that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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