my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
