Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
