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Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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