My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
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i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
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You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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