I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
