The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
