Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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