I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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