When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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