i think i have two assholes
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
