my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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