my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
