why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
