I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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