I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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