ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
