The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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