As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
