Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
love makes seman taste better
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
