it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
