Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
