In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
