It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
