Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
