Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
