in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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