just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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