Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
