It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
