Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Boobs speak an international language.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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