Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
