you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
