Three words: puerto rican gang bang
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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