im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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