There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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