did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
