sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
