I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
