she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
