Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You smell like stripper and shame
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
