Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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