you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
