3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
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so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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