What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
they need to just BURY HIM!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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