I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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