Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
