Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she told me i tasted like america
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
