i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
