too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
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First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize