you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
