my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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